tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7150278790532095430.comments2023-06-19T06:55:10.254-04:00The UnderSide of GreenHenry Clemmonshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04156533198976128355noreply@blogger.comBlogger1146125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7150278790532095430.post-46861452713587422622011-08-15T16:10:22.465-04:002011-08-15T16:10:22.465-04:00this is a wonderful ghazal! full of love and beau...this is a wonderful ghazal! full of love and beauty and you used your name in the last couplet as well. I am so excited to read this. a pure joy it was to do so. Thanks, Henry.Sheilahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06541409754494611831noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7150278790532095430.post-57668473329330466732011-08-15T11:03:01.900-04:002011-08-15T11:03:01.900-04:00Wonderful use of contrast in this one, Henry. The...Wonderful use of contrast in this one, Henry. The use of "tender" twice normally would strike me as unnecessarily repetitive, but it works here. I liked the whole thing, especially that last line - the memories following the sun to the west and dropping below the horizon.Traci Bhttp://poemflow.wordpress.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7150278790532095430.post-77145103472715414602011-08-14T09:28:39.548-04:002011-08-14T09:28:39.548-04:00I love it! Well expressed simple truth.I love it! Well expressed simple truth.Maryhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07366010389846904663noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7150278790532095430.post-80765123109890039112011-08-14T09:16:07.170-04:002011-08-14T09:16:07.170-04:00I enjoy your writing, Henry. This one is a poem o...I enjoy your writing, Henry. This one is a poem of beauty, depth, and mystery! I like the way you can write so well from another's point of view.Maryhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07366010389846904663noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7150278790532095430.post-75341720656042236342011-08-13T23:56:20.474-04:002011-08-13T23:56:20.474-04:00You pretty much said what i could not effectively ...You pretty much said what i could not effectively communicate. +1 <br /> <br />My blog: <br />rachat credit locataire <a href="http://www.rachatdecredit.net" rel="nofollow">www.rachatdecredit.net</a>Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7150278790532095430.post-10794967757170449152011-08-13T21:07:40.034-04:002011-08-13T21:07:40.034-04:00I am impressed with your ghazal. I think I will p...I am impressed with your ghazal. I think I will pass on this particular prompt, but admire yours and others proficiency with the prompt,Maryhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07366010389846904663noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7150278790532095430.post-85474676204200857312011-08-13T10:32:16.408-04:002011-08-13T10:32:16.408-04:00interesting take, thoughtful and well doneinteresting take, thoughtful and well doneAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7150278790532095430.post-26588690795371858562011-08-13T09:27:37.684-04:002011-08-13T09:27:37.684-04:00Very much like what you have made of your ghazal, ...Very much like what you have made of your ghazal, Henry.. your refrain is outstanding and the oppositions work well within couplets as well as across the whole.. thoughtful, sad... harsh beauties..Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7150278790532095430.post-36365737693207235422011-08-12T21:20:49.071-04:002011-08-12T21:20:49.071-04:00"mind churns dream" is great imagery I l..."mind churns dream" is great imagery I like to think of it like that seeing it in your words. Wonderful write ~ RoseAnonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09988016086874324471noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7150278790532095430.post-78129654003228118662011-08-12T21:16:59.574-04:002011-08-12T21:16:59.574-04:00First, I've seen several movies with the actre...First, I've seen several movies with the actress and she is exceptionally beautiful.<br />Second-- your ghazal is beautiful and sad, and in it I sense the hope and desire to see the beauty within, a theme I love. Absolutely gorgeous, and a superb ghazal. I'd give you the prize, too!Anna @ waysidewordgardenhttp://waysidewordgarden.wordpress.com/2011/08/11/thirst-the-sky/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7150278790532095430.post-23323021062170847552011-08-12T21:09:50.283-04:002011-08-12T21:09:50.283-04:00This is so delicate and lovely. Well done!This is so delicate and lovely. Well done!Maude Lynnhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03669688074743095866noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7150278790532095430.post-5012276372527705802011-08-12T20:22:55.003-04:002011-08-12T20:22:55.003-04:00Poignant, stirring, and haunting.
A lovely ghazal...Poignant, stirring, and haunting.<br /><br />A lovely ghazal.<br /><br />Bravo!<br /><br />Lady NyoLady Nyohttp://ladynyo.wordpress.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7150278790532095430.post-88027460674621285062011-08-12T20:16:39.766-04:002011-08-12T20:16:39.766-04:00Love this - the rhythm, pacing, language, etc.Love this - the rhythm, pacing, language, etc.Steve Isaakhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07162341357622058518noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7150278790532095430.post-71219233033444468602011-08-12T19:58:21.536-04:002011-08-12T19:58:21.536-04:00A nice haiku...
I missed this week prompt. Will...A nice haiku... <br /><br />I missed this week prompt. Will join next week.Scarlethttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03330793338813508704noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7150278790532095430.post-80727211135049598552011-08-12T19:25:32.317-04:002011-08-12T19:25:32.317-04:00I too enjoyed the juxtapositions. I'm sorry I ...I too enjoyed the juxtapositions. I'm sorry I commented twice on your last piece. I've been having trouble with the internet all day.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7150278790532095430.post-51963373890200467752011-08-12T19:06:10.856-04:002011-08-12T19:06:10.856-04:00Henry, a great piece.Henry, a great piece.ayalahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13243362803799877014noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7150278790532095430.post-33217891433136663432011-08-12T15:15:50.215-04:002011-08-12T15:15:50.215-04:00Hey Henry,
Hitting your site is brilliant - your ...Hey Henry,<br /><br />Hitting your site is brilliant - your tree reminds me of a scence from a movie called Antichrist - great movie great pic -<br /><br />Your Poem is fantastic - it firstly evoked some exotic smells and feelings of luxury and warmth then i hit some dung which was a real powerful wake up, as you had taken me to such an exoticly perfumed state - I loved that juxtaposistion.<br /><br />The penultimate stanza stands out for me in amongst top write.<br /><br />Cheers!<br /><br />ArronArron Shillinghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17989854352644796752noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7150278790532095430.post-81578438177138577172011-08-12T14:32:21.888-04:002011-08-12T14:32:21.888-04:00I loved each couplet, Henry. They were so unique b...I loved each couplet, Henry. They were so unique but spoke of a deep regard for the feminine soul, in all its many facets.Kerry O'Connorhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00720862912375945249noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7150278790532095430.post-75351436275609410082011-08-12T12:57:46.956-04:002011-08-12T12:57:46.956-04:00Henry, to me this is the most poignant and well-ex...Henry, to me this is the most poignant and well-executed Ghazal. I was glad to see the internal rhymes and how you managed to create a blend of beauty, sadness and longing. Just exquisite. If I were awarding prizes...Victoriahttp://liv2write2day.wordpress.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7150278790532095430.post-18354923278312121892011-08-12T12:38:40.911-04:002011-08-12T12:38:40.911-04:00Hi, my feedback is based on these five factors sta...Hi, my feedback is based on these five factors starting from a traditional perspective but also looking at modern developments. I draw on Agha Shahid Ali's, chapter from An Exaltation of forms (Ed Finch and Varnes). This is a poem of his based on the traditional rules. http://www.poetryfoundation.org/poem/172051<br /><br />1) Association<br />One of the key factors of the form - traditional or modern is that the couplets need to be based as it were on variations on a theme. And stand alone as the order should not matter. Mixing them works as each is almost a story in itself.<br /><br />2) Theme<br />This is clearly about loss and a yearning/plea for something better so falls well within the Ghazal range even if not a classical theme.<br /><br />3) Couplets<br />You have done a fair number of a good length and no enjambment. Some enjambment occurs in the modern forms but as the exception in the poem rather than the norm. You have cleverly fitted the narrator/writer in the last couplet,<br /><br />4) Rhyme and refrain <br />In the classical tradition, the opening couplet would set the refrain and internal rhyme in the first and second line. Then in the rest of the couplets the refrain and internal rhyme would be on the second line. The refrain is as the classical tradition. But you have used two internal rhymes that spot across the two lines to good effect.<br /><br />5) Metre<br />I think you have gone for a regular metre as I noticed regular 14 beat line - 7 feet: iambic heptameter? The question and answer couplets and the concrete imagery made for an evocative and moving set of images.<br /><br />In short, it has all the classical Ghazal features with modern twists that made it a very enjoyable read.John (@bookdreamer)https://www.blogger.com/profile/11576434749272275190noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7150278790532095430.post-333924925824367762011-08-12T12:02:46.099-04:002011-08-12T12:02:46.099-04:00You really drew and hit center with every arrow fr...You really drew and hit center with every arrow from your quiver of image, your feel for nature and layers and what's behind the first veil, the second veil...I loved the way the words tumbled over themselves, full of life and association. Good stuff, poet Henry.hedgewitchhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13090696134322515899noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7150278790532095430.post-44459397663514629862011-08-12T10:55:49.204-04:002011-08-12T10:55:49.204-04:00Henry...you do have a way with words! Beautiful, h...Henry...you do have a way with words! Beautiful, haunting refrain carries your superb language. From what I have learned through this workshop, I THINK this is one of the best examples of the form to be offered, but whether it is or not...I LOVE it!Tashtoohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15847190224960829574noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7150278790532095430.post-74100593740169238312011-08-12T10:18:41.542-04:002011-08-12T10:18:41.542-04:00This poem reminded me of John Berger's excelle...This poem reminded me of John Berger's excellent Ways of Seeing where he argues the difference between nude and naked in art. One is a portrait and one is disempowering. He also spends a lot of time outlining how women internalize an observer. So even when they are alone weeping they observe themself doing so and have some idea of how it should look. It makes it difficult for a woman to simply exist and emote. You've captured a lot of that disempowerment here with the request to look away. Though I suspect there are several meanings in that: don't see my shame, as an accusation to our uncaring, as a cry for a private life (not to be sold as a sex object), etc.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7150278790532095430.post-87520318683646043532011-08-12T10:17:51.995-04:002011-08-12T10:17:51.995-04:00This poem reminded me of John Berger's excelle...This poem reminded me of John Berger's excellent Ways of Seeing where he argues the difference between nude and naked in art. One is a portrait and one is disempowering. He also spends a lot of time outlining how women internalize an observer. So even when they are alone weeping they observe themself doing so and have some idea of how it should look. It makes it difficult for a woman to simply exist and emote. You've captured a lot of that disempowerment here with the request to look away. Though I suspect there are several meanings in that: don't see my shame, as an accusation to our uncaring, as a cry for a private life (not to be sold as a sex object), etc.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7150278790532095430.post-6170769730665813902011-08-12T09:44:27.017-04:002011-08-12T09:44:27.017-04:00Based on reading John's critiques (including o...Based on reading John's critiques (including on my attempt at Ghazal), it appears to me that you've handled the form very well. Thematically, I sense that the author yearns to touch that inner beauty which is so elusive in a world obsessed with the external. Beautiful poem!<br /><br />DavidAnonymousnoreply@blogger.com